Letting Go
by Strangedubspirit
Summary: Snape believes seeing Lily one last time will allow him to get over her and move on with his life. He conceives a plan to obtain a time turner, but when he successfully transports himself back in time, simply seeing Lily isn't enough for him. He kisses her before arriving back in his own time, only to find that the simple act of kissing Lily Evans has changed everything.
1. Memories

Severus remembered the day of his sorting well. He had stood in the Great Hall with Lily's small hand in his, her grip growing stronger as the thickset, wheezing professor before them filed through the names on his scroll before finally reaching the letter "E". Lily let go of his hand as her name was called, and as the sorting hat fell over her green almond eyes and placed her in Gryffindor, Severus felt that the everlasting image of her hand leaving his was somehow symbolic. It seemed to foreshadow the fact that her placement in Gryffindor was the beginning of him losing her. It seemed to somehow foreshadow the day he'd arrive at Godric's Hollow to find Lily lifeless and think of no other response to her death than to grip her cold, dead hand harder than she had ever held his.

These were the images that flooded through Severus' head every year as he watched the same ragged sorting hat fall over the eyes of first years and separate them into the four houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. This year, however, was different. Lily's son, Harry, orphaned at her death, was in the line of students waiting to be sorted. His diminutive frame kept him hidden as he stood amongst the other first years, but Snape knew he was there. Finally, Minerva called the name Potter and as the whispers followed Harry's walk to the nearby stool, Severus did not find himself staring at Potter's scar like everyone else; he was staring into the same green almond eyes that had flooded his thoughts every year during the sorting. These eyes, however, were magnified by a pair of round spectacles not unlike those worn by James Potter, Harry's father.

This time, Severus did not simply see the image of Lily's hand leaving his. He felt it. And after he felt it, he felt the recurrence of all the grief he had suffered upon her death and the ache of loneliness that had tortured him since the day she had married that arrogant git Potter. Most of all, Severus felt a longing to return to his own student years and see Lily Evans one last time. So overwhelmed by these feelings, Severus was apathetic to Harry Potter's sorting. And after all, his placement in Gryffindor was hardly surprising. Potter Junior was sure to be just like his father. He couldn't possibly be anything like Lily, for there was, and never would be, anyone in the world quite like Lily Evans.

* * *

Hours had passed since Potter had been sorted into Gryffindor. Severus knew the sun was probably rising somewhere behind a thick layer of Scottish cloud, but he had been unable to sleep. He was attempting to conceive some sort of plan to obtain a time turner. If he could go back to his own school days, he would be able to see Lily one last time. Surely, he told himself, if he could just see her once more, he'd be able to get over her, be able to say goodbye to her. Then, he could move on with his life. There were some pretty fit witches working at Hogwarts. Severus knew Madame Pomfrey was single and if he wasn't so completely hung up on Lily, he'd ask Pomfrey or some other witch out. Maybe they'd get married and have kids. But of course, he was hopelessly in love with Lily. Snape had never had an opportunity to get over his unrequited love for her. If he just had a time turner, he would be able to grant himself that very opportunity.

* * *

"Turn to page 394", Snape hissed slowly as he stood before his fifth year students. With a wave of his wand, he slammed the door to his dungeon classroom shut. After he did so, however, it was opened again by pale, freckled teen with flaming orange hair. With one hand, Percy Weasley readjusted the horn-rimmed glasses that were sliding down his sweaty nose. Using the other hand, he stuffed an oversized Arithmancy book into his bag, leaving the door ajar in the process. Severus wasn't sure what the boy wanted with an Arithmancy text book. The class ran at the same time as his own.

"Close the door", Snape almost whispered.

Weasley responded by flicking his wand over his shoulder, but before he could perform the spell, Snape said, "Without magic. There will be no foolish wand waving in here, Weasley."

As Weasley turned around to do as he was told, Severus noticed something gold glittering around his neck and as if he could read Snape's thoughts, the red head moved to hide the jewellery beneath his hand me down robes.

"Stop," Snape said.

His robes billowing behind him, Severus marched towards Weasley, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and removed a time turner from beneath the boy's robes.


	2. Seventeen Again

**Seventeen Again**

Severus didn't look at Weasley. His eyes were fixed on the golden time turner in his hands.

"Where did you get this?" Snape asked, his voice low and dangerous.

"P-professor Dumbledore, Sir," Percy stuttered.

"And why, Weasley, would Professor Dumbledore give you something so dangerous as a time turner?"

"I, uh, I w-wanted to take a fair few cl-classes, Sir, and they, um, happened to clash. Your class, for instance, runs at the same time as Professor Poppywalden's Arithmancy class," Weasley managed.

"So Dumbledore thought it wise to give a fifteen year old boy the means to travel through time?"

"It would seem so," Weasley said with more confidence, seeming more self-assured.

"I don't believe you, Weasley," Severus spat.

He removed the time turner from around the boy's neck, placing it in his pocket and saying, "I'm confiscating this until I confirm your story."

Without another word, Severus stormed out of the classroom, his acquisition of a time turner making him lose all interest in teaching fifth year potions.

* * *

Severus Snape was by no means a foolish man. He knew he couldn't make any radical changes to the historical narrative of his or Lily's life. Such change could have unimaginable consequences, or so Snape had been told. He often wondered if the "unimaginable consequences" people spoke of had to be bad consequences. Maybe something good could come of meddling with time. Still, Severus wasn't going to take that risk.

"I only mean to see her again," Severus whispered, fingering the time turner with nervous anticipation.

He wasn't sure how many turns were required to take him back to his student days at Hogwarts. If each turn took him back one hour in time, he would need to turn it over one hundred and twenty thousand times in order to go back to June of 1978, the last time he and Lily were both at school together.

The anticipation was getting to Severus. He seemed to be losing his ability to think clearly. In his desperation to see Lily, he couldn't think of a plan to do so. Should he hide somewhere where he could see her, but she couldn't see him? Should he speak to her? If he did, would she recognize the middle aged man before her as her childhood friend? With all these questions rushing through his mind, Severus put his face in the palms of his hands and hoped a plan would appear before him just as the time turner did.

Suddenly, Snape's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of light footsteps behind him. Without turning around, he knew that footsteps belonged to Dumbledore.

"I didn't _initially_ expect to find you here, Severus."

"You're surprised to find me in my office, Albus?" Severus asked, concealing the time turner in his now sweating hands.

"You are supposed to be teaching a class of fifth years, are you not, Severus?"

"Ah, I was, but I developed a headache…" Severus replied, trailing off due to his lack of a preconceived lie.

"I'm sure Poppy could help you with that if you visited her in the hospital wing."

"I'm sure," Severus said.

"I came by because, not being able to find you in your classroom, I thought this was the second most likely location. I wanted to ask if you had any lacewing flies in your store cupboard?"

"Lacewing flies, Albus?"

"Yes, their binding properties are rather useful for baking, I find."

"Baking?"

"Yes, baking. I wanted to bake a cake for Minerva's birthday, but she's allergic to eggs, as I'm sure you know."

"Allergic?" Severus asked, now beginning to feel very stupid.

"Yes, Severus, allergic. She can't eat eggs, but of course we use eggs to bind ingredients together in a cake. Muggles have substitutes, I'm sure, but the only substitute binding product I could think of was lacewing flies, most often used, as you know, for binding two identities together in a polyjuice potion - " Dumbledore rambled before being cut off by Snape.

"Polyjuice potion." This time, Severus didn't speak the words as though they were a question. He spoke as if he had had an epiphany, and indeed he had. If he could make a polyjuice potion and take it with him back in time, he'd be able to take on the form of his seventeen year old self, thus giving no cause for suspicion and giving him greater access to Lily.

"Yes, Severus, polyjuice potion," replied Dumbledore, managing to hide his exasperation, "and I know polyjuice potion tastes terrible, but the lacewing flies aren't responsible for that. They actually taste like a combination of pumpkin juice, butterbeer and admittedly, there's a hint of bogey flavoured Bernie Bott beans too. Of course, other ingredients tend to overpower that in polyjuice potion."

Snape wasn't listening. If he picked fluxweed at midnight, he'd have _almost_ all the ingredients he needed for a polyjuice potion. For the first time in longer than he could remember, Severus Snape cracked a small smile. He was going to be seventeen again.


	3. The Marauders

**The Marauders**

He had done it. Severus had brewed the perfect polyjuice potion. There was only one ingredient he needed – a strand of hair shed by himself at age seventeen. Severus knew acquiring the one remaining ingredient would not be an easy task. He could be seen by a younger Dumbledore, or worse, by his former self (apparently an experience sure to cause insanity and a lifelong stay in St. Mungo's).

Severus poured the potion into a flask and tucked it securely beneath his robes. The sight of it made him feel ill, not because it looked like mud, but because the transformation process it was known to cause terrified Severus. They say polyjuice potion would cause skin to bubble and fizz like hot wax. Severus gulped nervously at the thought of this, but reminded himself it was worth it. And for Lily Evans, anything really was worth it.

He was so close to seeing Lily now that his knees grew weak, so weak that he had to collapse into a nearby chair. Severus had thought of her every day since the day he first met Lily. And still, he had no idea what he would say to her upon seeing her again. The conversations he'd practiced in his head a million times over now seemed silly and foolish. There were no words to describe how he felt about her, and if there were, she would never want to hear them.

Maybe he needn't speak upon seeing her. Maybe he should take her with him, forward in time to this moment where they could be alone together. He could keep her safe like James Potter never had. He could protect her. Knowing she would never agree to it and he could never make it happen, Severus fought back tears of frustration and grief. He tried to remind himself that Lily was and never would be his. That was why he needed to see her again – to get over her, not to make her his. It was a thought too impossible to entertain.

Severus took a deep breath and removed the time turner from his pocket. He began turning it, again and again and again. He counted every turn until he knew he had roughly performed enough of them to be back in mid 1978. The décor of the Potions Master's office now appeared reminiscent of Horace Slughorn's tenure at Hogwarts. The light of the high crescent moon flooding through the small square windows assured Severus he would not bump into Slughorn at this hour. A run in with that dunce was the last thing Severus needed. He just had to get a strand or two of his seventeen year old self's hair, add it to the potion, drink it and say farewell to the woman who took his heart and never returned it.

Severus took a second deep breath and opened the door of the Potions Master's office and took several small steps out into the seemingly empty corridor. The door creaked and sighed as he closed it behind him. He had spent enough time walking these halls to know where he was going without the light of his wand, but before Severus could take another step, a voice sounded behind him.

"Who's this slimy git then, eh, fellas?" boomed the obnoxious voice that made Severus' blood boil. He'd recognize that voice anywhere, especially in the dark halls of 1978 Hogwarts.

"Lumos," barked another voice Severus knew belonged to a seventeen year old Sirius Black.

A stream of harsh yellow light burst from Black's wand, lighting up Severus' face.

"Greasy hair, pasty skin and an abnormally large nose. You must be a Snape," Potter said mockingly, the corners of his lips curving into the arrogant smirk Severus had always wanted to punch right off his ugly Gryffindor face. Potter's friends howled and bayed with laughter as Severus' cheeks flushed red with anger.

He had years on Potter now. Years of experience, years of learning and mastering magic, even dark magic. It would be easy, so easy, just give the arrogant git what he deserved. Severus grabbed his wand from his pocket with one hand and gripped a handful of Potter's robes with the other. As he did so, he noticed a long strand of dark red hair clinging to the boy's black robes and all the grief and loneliness and love and longing he felt for Lily came rushing back, stronger than any feelings of hatred he had for Potter and his friends. He needed to see Lily.

Severus released Potter from his grip and disappeared down the long winding corridor on his way to the Slytherin common room. He needed to hide nearby in order to overhear the password. He would sneak in when everyone was at breakfast and then nothing could come between him and his simple wish to see Lily one last time.


	4. Two Snapes, One Marauders' Map

**Two Snapes, One Marauders' Map**

James Potter lay awake in his four post bed, the snoring and heavy breathing of his friends providing a familiar soundscape for an otherwise silent night. Unlike his friends, he was not able to fall asleep having run into a man so familiar to him, yet so out of place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The man, as James had noted upon meeting him, looked a great deal like Severus Snape, and like Snape, this man seemed to despise him. James was suspicious of the strange man and was itching to find out who he was and what he was up to.

"You _can't_," he reminded himself under his breath. He had already been out late playing midnight quidditch in spite of the promise he'd made to himself and Lily that he wasn't going to get into any trouble this year. He was the Head Boy, after all. James knew that following this man would only land him in the sort of hot water he swore he would avoid. As he turned over and closed his eyes, something brilliant occurred to him – he could check the Marauder's Map. If he didn't see any suspicious names on the map, he'd be able to fall straight asleep. If he found on there a name that didn't belong in the castle, he'd do something about it. The guy could be a death eater, after all.

Quietly, James tiptoed out of bed, making his way in the direction of Sirius' bedside table where the map sat, blank and seemingly innocent. James snatched the map and climbed back into his bed, hiding it beneath the covers with him.

"Lumos," he whispered.

His wand cast a stream of bright light across the face of the map as he tapped it and whispered, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." Suddenly, a map of the colossal Hogwarts castle with all its secret passages appeared on the previously blank parchment before him. Almost everyone in the castle appeared to be asleep, except Dumbledore, of course. The professor was pacing in his study. He did that a lot. James often wondered if Dumbledore had a habit of sleep walking or just a chronic case of insomnia.

There was nothing, absolutely nothing out of ordinary on the map. Not a thing. None of the names that appeared were in anyway unfamiliar to James who had seen them all on this map a million times before. He noticed only one thing that seemed a little odd – the name Severus Snape had moved, suggesting Snape was walking around the castle. First, James had seen Snape's name in the confines of his dormitory on the map. Seconds later, however, the name had reappeared outside the Slytherin common room. James double checked and sure enough, the name Snape still appeared outside the Slytherin common room. James wondered why none of his little death eater friends were out and about with him, so glanced over to the map of the seventh year Slytherin boys' dormitory where he saw all four of its usual occupants were asleep in their beds. Wait, all four of them - including Snape. How could Snape possibly be in two places at once?

It was as if there were somehow two Severus Snapes in the castle at the exact same time. It made no sense. James didn't know what was going on, but he was about to find out. As he slipped his invisibility cloak over himself, a strange thought occurred to James – what if the older Snape lookalike they had seen outside Slughorn's office was actually a futuristic version of Severus Snape. It seemed crazy, but it wasn't impossible. This was a school of witchcraft and wizardry after all.

* * *

Keeping his eye on the map, James made his way to the Slytherin common room where, sure enough, he could make out the figure of the older Snape a few feet away from him. What was the man doing, waiting there like that?

James tore off the cloak and simply asked the question, "What are you doing here, Snivellus?"

Surprised, Snape spun around. Before he could even answer the question, Snape heard the sound of the common room door opening behind them. He jumped behind it to hide himself and as he did so, a scratchy voice, that of Mulciber, cried, "Crucio, Potter!" Potter let out a groan of pain, fell to the floor and writhed in agony in front of them.

To older Snape's horror, younger Snape laughed at the sight of James Potter being tortured by an unforgivable curse. Had he really been so cruel? So dark? So twisted?

Older Snape, from his hiding spot behind the door, reached for his wand, ready to defend Potter and put an end to Mulciber's 'fun'. As much as he despised Potter and as much as he didn't want to risk revealing himself, he felt compelled to do something. Before he could, however, Mulciber and younger Snape retreated to the common room, slamming the door behind them and leaving a groaning James Potter on the cool marble floor. As they went, younger Snape said, "See, I told you I heard something."

"I'm sorry I have to do this, Potter, but, obliviate!" Snape bellowed. Snape wasn't carrying out major memory loss. He was simply removing any memory James had of this version of himself being in the castle. He couldn't be found out. Feeling slightly sorry for Potter, Severus waved his wand and levitated the unconscious student to the hospital wing before returning to his waiting area and hoping he would manage to stay awake until breakfast.


	5. Reckless

**Reckless**

At least Potter was good for something, Severus thought as he stood hidden beneath his enemy's invisibility cloak. The sun had risen and Slytherin students hurried out of the common room, appearing to Severus as green and silver blurs. He had decided to risk using the time turner rather than wait to watch the sun rise and the students leave. Severus was paranoid about the time turner. He feared he would break it, lose it, or turn it too many times, but his desperation to see Lily was, as always, too much for him.

Finally, the last of the students exited the common room, younger Snape among them. As he passed, Snape almost gave himself away, remarking aloud, "Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?" Younger Snape looked in his direction immediately, but seeing no one there, he ran to catch up with his friends.

Last night's near run in with his younger self and Mulciber had taught him the password – "fluxweed." It seemed fitting to Severus that the Slytherin password at this moment in time should be a polyjuice potion ingredient. Once he could be sure nobody was around, Severus approached the common room door (which was simply a wall that behaved like a door).

"Fluxweed" Snape said in his low, icy voice. The wall moved aside and Snape walked in. The Slytherin dungeon of 1978 looked much like it did in the 1991 school year Snape had just departed. The room was bathed in green light, with dark furniture and decorative skulls, many of them having been defaced by immature first years who thought it funny to draw moustaches and rather inappropriate male body parts on the skulls. Exasperated, Snape rolled his eyes at the defaced skulls. He was now much too old to be amused by such first year art.

Severus sauntered into the seventh year boys' dormitory. It was surprisingly tidy, considering the house elves had not yet been in. He was dismayed at the pile of chocolate frogs on his bedside table. It can't have helped his adolescent acne to be consuming that much chocolate. Severus was further dismayed by his collection of dark arts literature and dangerous objects. He knew it was his interest in the dark arts that made him most unattractive to Lily.

Severus sighted his old comb and removed several strands of greasy black hair that were tangled in its teeth. He added them to his flask of polyjuice potion and wiped the grease from his fingers onto his robes. Severus then made his way to the bathroom, knowing the potion may make him ill. Finally, he wrinkled his large nose, opened his mouth and poured as much of the potion down his throat as he could. The taste and texture made swallowing it almost impossible. Severus found himself dry retching and grasping his stomach as the mudlike substance coated his throat and made his insides boil. He could feel the wrinkles that creased his forehead fill up and disappear, his face becoming smooth. The flesh of his forearm seemed to burn as his dark mark tattoo faded, becoming lighter and lighter until it vanished entirely. Severus felt his clothes becoming slightly looser and his hair becoming impossibly greasier. He staggered towards the nearest mirror and saw his face, his seventeen year old face, staring back at him.

Severus realised he needed hooded robes in order to keep a low profile. He still had the invisibility cloak, but he wanted to be able to walk around without people walking right into him and wondering why the invisible space in front of them was so solid. He made his way to the trunk sitting at the end of his old four post bed and dug through it until he found the robes he needed. As he removed them from the trunk, however, something else caught his eye – a book about the dangers of "mudbloods." Severus cursed. How had he been so interested in that as a teenager? How had he been sucked in? He pointed his wand at the book, whispered a spell under his breath and watched as the book tore itself to shreds.

He couldn't stop there. He had to destroy anything in the room that made him unattractive to Lily, any dark arts objects and books that fuelled his adolescent self's interest in joining the death eaters. He cast spell after spell, destroying almost everything in the room. Severus knew he was leaving evidence of his visit behind, but he didn't care. He didn't care about the consequences. He was so unconcerned about the consequences of his actions in fact that he intended to do a lot more than just see or talk to Lily Evans one last time.


	6. Lily

**Lilly**

With the invisibility cloak now wrapped tightly around him, Severus stood waiting in Slughorn's potions class. Maybe it was somewhat creepy, but he wanted to watch Lily for a while so he could work up the nerve to speak to her. Potions was her first class of the day after breakfast, but it had also been his which was sure to make things difficult. He had no plan for how he would cope with obstacles like that one, but before he could think of anything, a group of Gryffindors filed in with the Slytherins, including the sulky adolescent Snape, following closely behind them.

That was when he saw her. She was wearing her dark red hair in a high pony tail. Lily pushed back a few escaping strands behind her ears and took a seat at the front of the class. She was so close to him, that if he had had the nerve, he could have reached out and touched her. He could have reached out and held her hand in his. But he didn't have the nerve. He couldn't do anything. He could hardly even breathe. His heart was beating so fast and so loud, he was sure she could hear it. At one point, she even looked up as if she had indeed heard something and as she did, Severus caught site of those piercing green eyes. They weren't imagined this time; they weren't a memory; they weren't framed by thick glasses and staring back at him from the face of an eleven year old boy. They were right in front him, so close, so clear, that he could make out a distinct sunburst pattern in the irises around the pupils.

Severus had been so completely lost in Lily's eyes that he had missed Slughorn's entrance. The portly man stood before the class, clapped his hands together and said, "Right, here's a potion I prepared earlier. Can anyone guess what it is?" Lily's hand immediately shot into the air.

"That's polyjuice potion, sir."

"Very good, Lily! Well done."

Another Gryffindor student interrupted Slughorn's praise of Lily: "Is it really polyjuice potion, Professor Slughorn?"

"Yes, Finnius," Slughorn replied to the girl.

"Finnigan, sir," She corrected him. "Whose DNA does it have in it then, sir?"

"Well, I haven't added that last ingredient just yet."

"Does it have to be a human's essence, sir? I mean, if I put this jewel in, what would happen?"

The Slytherins laughed.

"She wants to turn into a jewel," one boy whispered, "What a weirdo."

"It was just an example," Finnigan muttered, turning bright red. The Slytherins only laughed harder.

Finnigan clambered out of her seat and made her way to the cauldron. As she was about to drop the jewel in, both Slughorn and Lily cautioned her to stop.

"Stop, Keira!" Lily urged, "That's not just any jewel! It's from the shell of a fire crab!"

But it was too late. Keira Finnigan has dropped the jewel into the polyjuice potion, causing the cauldron to explode and the table that had been hosting it to catch fire. All of the Slytherins and many of the Gryffindors took the opportunity to flee the classroom. Slughorn raced after them as fast as he could, trying to call them all back.

"Honestly, we're witches and wizards! We can put a fire out in seconds, just you watch. You're all just using this as an excuse to cut class!"

Only Lily, Keira and the older Snape were left in the classroom now.

Lily pulled out her wand to put the fire out, but before she could cast the spell, Keira snatched her wand from her.

"It's okay, Lily! I can fix it. My muggle boyfriend has a sprinkly system in his apartment that goes off when the fire alarm does. I think we need a magical version of that, don't you?" Keira suggested.

Severus edged quietly away from the heat of the flames. He was now standing behind Lily.

Keira cast a spell causing storm clouds to appear above them and rain to fall. It was an odd, yet successful way of putting out the fire. Rather pleased with herself, Keira handed Lily's wand back to her and skipped out of the classroom.

Snape removed the cloak and tapped Lily on the shoulder as she was packing her bag.

"Are you okay?" He said, his voice shaking a little.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I uh, I don't know. You could be suffering from smoke inhalation."

Severus groaned inwardly. Smoke inhalation. That was really the best he could think of. He'd been waiting to speak to Lily for years and that was the best he could manage.

"Why are you even talking to me, Severus? You can't expect us to be friends after you called me a mudblood."

"Lily, I - " he began to apologise but she interrupted him.

"No. Don't apologise. That really hurt, you know? We were supposed to be friends. I saw you getting more and more into the dark arts and spending more time with guys like Avery and Mulciber and I hoped, I hoped like hell, Severus, that it was all just a phase. But when you called me a mudblood, that's when I knew it. I knew then that I had lost you. That we had grown apart, grown into two completely different pe- "

This time, Severus interrupted Lily, but not with words. He kissed her, long and hard, on her trembling lips. And although she didn't, he was sure she wanted to kiss him back.

He had done it. In his own way, he had said goodbye to Lily Evans and finally, he had let her know how he felt about her. Now, he would be able to let her go.

"Goodbye, Lily," he said, looking into her green eyes one last time.

And with that, he turned around, exited the room and disappeared down the corridor as wrinkles began to reappear on his forehead and the dark mark returned to his arm. He raced into an empty classroom, ready to begin the long and painful process of turning time forward, but before he could fish the time turner out of his robes, he heard Lily's footsteps in the distance. She had seen seventeen year old Snape enter this room and when she arrived, she'd find a man similar in appearance, but in this thirties rather than his teens. He forced the remainder of the polyjuice potion down his throat, pulled the hood over his head and turned his back to the door. As he did so, Lily's pale, elegant hand grabbed a hold of his robes and spun him around to face her. It wasn't over yet, he realised.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. I really appreciate all of the reviews, especially those that offered helpful advice and constructive criticism. Stay tuned and keep reading to see what consequences Snape has to face now that he has kissed Lily.


	7. Altered Life

**Altered Life**

When Lily Evans was angry, her eyes lost their soft almond shape, becoming two narrow green slits that pierced straight through who or whatever she was glaring at. This time, Snape was the victim of those glowering eyes. For a split second, her eyes seemed to flicker from his eyes to the patch on his forehead where, seconds earlier, thin wrinkles had reformed only to disappear as quickly as they had reappeared. Severus was sure Lily must have caught a glimpse of his older self. If she had, however, the fleeting nature of that glimpse seemed to be enough to ease her suspicions. And besides, Lily was more focused on something else. The anger and confusion Snape had instilled in her when his lips met hers was too great a distraction.

"What the hell is your problem, Severus?" Lily seethed.

"My problem?" He replied, not knowing quite how to respond.

"Yeah, your problem. I have a boyfriend, you know."

The thought of that git Potter made Severus' mouth go dry, made his lips thin and his hands clench into two tight fists that hung stiffly at his side. Kissing Lily had hardly helped him get over her. Just as his resentment for Potter had grown, his love for Lily had grown also.

"Your 'boyfriend', Lily, could _never_ love you like I do."

This didn't lessen Lily's anger, but then again, it hadn't been Severus' intention to calm her down. Her cheeks flushed red with rage and her breathing became heavy, her chest heaving beneath the school robes that had been soaked by Finnigan's magical take on muggle sprinkler systems. Her hands mirrored his, clenching into two tight fists as her fingernails dug deep into the flesh of her palms.

Severus unclenched his fists to cup Lily's face in his hands.

"Say something," he found himself pleading, "Anything, Lily. Just say something."

Her lips opened as if she was about to speak, but before any words could come out of them, she pushed them back against Severus' and kissed him with more passion than he had kissed her. Severus could hardly believe what was happening. All those years of anguish may have been for nothing. If he had just let his feelings for her be known before she married James and had Harry, maybe they would have been together after all. Maybe they would have stood a chance. Maybe he could have kept her safe.

Severus was not prepared for this. After all, nothing could have prepared for this. Her response was completely unexpected. He had to go. He had to run. He had to flee. And he did. Before Lily even opened her eyes, he tore himself from her and sprinted from the classroom. He wasn't going to mess with the past any more than he just had. The consequences could be disastrous if he did. His own selfish reasons for staying were not enough to justify altering the past and the future.

* * *

Moments later, Severus had locked himself in a cubicle of the boys' bathroom. He gave himself a minute to catch his breath and then, his hands trembling, a lump forming in his throat, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, he removed the time turner from his pocket and slowly, but surely, began turning it forward. He watched time pass before his eyes, but the speed at which he was travelling through time combined with his pooling tears made everything a blur.

Finally, Severus found himself back in his own time. Exhausted, he was ready to crawl into his bed and fall fast asleep. A part of him even hoped he'd never wake up. He didn't know how many more years he'd have to spend dwelling on the would haves and could haves that flooded his mind every time he saw a redheaded woman or smelt something resembling Lily Evan's perfume. He certainly wasn't looking forward to spending the next seven years staring into her son's eyes which so closely resembled hers.

In his exhaustion and misery, Snape could barely lift his feet enough to walk back to his room. He found himself dragging them across the clean marble floors of Hogwarts Castle and by the time he reached his room, he was in such a state that he didn't bother removing his shoes before sinking onto his bed and stretching out on top of the covers. Before he could fall asleep, he rolled over and to his horror, found someone else - a woman – in his bed, fast asleep at his side.

"Lumos," Severus whispered. And then he saw her, Lily Evans, asleep beneath his blankets. Her red hair draped hauntingly across his pillows in the light of his wand. But this Lily was no seventeen year old girl. This Lily was a woman in her thirties.


	8. A Proposal

Overwhelming happiness. That was the first emotion Severus experienced upon realising Lily was alive and at his side. It was an emotion that lasted only a few mere seconds before being replaced by sheer terror. What had he done? How had time been altered by the simple act of kissing Lily Evans? How many lives had been altered?

Severus had broken out into a cold sweat. His hair dampened by the perspiration, he pushed it out of his eyes and gently got out of his bed. He had no idea how he would react when Lily woke. He had no idea what he would say to her. He had no idea how to act normal, for that was surely what she expected. Unlike him, Lily (and everyone else for that matter) how no idea what his life was supposed to be like. Nobody in this life could possibly know that Lily was supposed to be dead.

In an effort to wrap his head around his altered life, Severus found himself pacing the corridors of the castle, but as much as his life had changed, Severus' teacher instincts had not left him. He heard the sound of hushed voices echoing from the Great Hall and immediately expected to encounter a group of troublesome Gryffindors out of bed.

"Lumos," he hissed, shining the light of his wand into the Hall and following its trail into the room. If the sight of one sleeping body had shocked Severus tonight, the sight of thousands squashed together in sleeping bags shocked him even more. He had never seen so many people in the Great Hall. The room looked like an overpopulated refugee camp and Severus had an awful gut feeling that that was exactly what it was. Many of the people bathed in the light of his wand were wearing muggle clothes and those of them who were awake seemed terrified at the sight of his wand. As if he needed more proof that his suspicions were correct, a voice in the distance barked out, "Put out that bloody light. You're scaring the muggles!"

Severus spun around and raced back to his room, closing the door quietly behind him.

"Sorry, Lily," he whispered as he placed his wand against her temple before extracting something silver and glittering from her head. He placed the memory in a vile and found himself taking more and more memories from Lily's mind. He hated that he was doing so without her permission, but what choice did he really have? If he asked anyone, they'd think he'd gone mad. They'd think he'd been the victim of some powerful memory obliviation spell. And besides, he didn't simply need to know how the world had been altered for the general population; he needed to know how his personal life had changed. Only Lily's memories could tell him that.

* * *

Having successfully guessed Dumbledore's password to be "sherbet lemon", Severus was now in Dumbledore's office emptying the silvery contents of one vile into the headmaster's penseive. He took a deep breath and leaned towards the liquid grey substance and then found himself falling through time.

He was on the Hogwarts Express. Lily was at his side, a forlorn look on her face as she gazed out the window at the passing Scottish scenery. Severus stretched out a hand and was about to rest in on her shoulder, but he realised she couldn't see or feel him. He withdrew his hand and as he did, Potter burst into the compartment, collapsed onto the seat and slid closer to Lily, pressing his body against hers. The insensitive git had never had much of a talent for being observant. He failed to see the look on Lily's face or the tears streaked across her ivory cheeks. In his obliviousness, he asked her the worst question at the worst possible time.

"Marry me."

Well, it wasn't much of a question. It was more of a command. One spoken in arrogance for the lack of a question in those two words was born from Potter's belief that Lily wouldn't ever say anything other than yes. If Severus' form had been solid, he would have punched Potter then and there.

"Silence, huh, Evans? Did I catch you off guard with that request?" Potter asked, a crooked, uncertain smile forming on his lips.

"James – " Lilly began, but Potter interrupted her.

"C'mon, hear me out on this one, Lil. If Voldemort's taught us anything, it's that life is short. And if life is short, then I still want my life with you to be as long as possible. I want to spend every second we have left in this world with you. I want to make the most of the time we do have together. You get that don't you?"

"I kissed Severus," Lily replied. She said it bluntly as if she didn't know how else to say it. She wasn't looking at James. She didn't seem to be able. Her eyes hadn't met his since he had entered the compartment.

"You're kidding?" James asked, but neither of them were smiling or laughing.

Lily couldn't speak. The lump in her throat wouldn't allow it.

"Why?" James asked, his voice cracking, "Why? Why would you do that, huh? Why would you do it?"

James was up on his feet now. His hands were in his already messy dark hair as if he were about to tear clumps of It from his scalp.

"Why would you do that to me, Lily? Why would you do that to us?" He asked. James sounded desperate and broken and wounded. He was shaking now and howling as if he were crying, but Severus couldn't see his face.

Potter punched the door of the compartment before stepping out and slamming it behind him.


	9. Bad News

**Bad News**

Lily's next memory took place not long after the first. She was the last student to exit the train and the sight that greeted her on the platform was one of utter chaos. The students were crammed together, surrounding the scene of some ugly physical altercation.

"Fight, fight, fight!" Chorused hundreds of adolescent voices in unison.

Wiping fresh tears from her cheeks, Lily pushed through the crowd.

"Excuse me! I'm the head girl," Lily bellowed.

She sighted a boy in a crumpled heap and a wand equipped hand hovering over him.

"No magic outside of Hogwarts!" Lily reminded the student holding the wand, but as she moved to confiscate, she realised it belonged to a very angry Sirius Black. His teeth were bared and he was snarling like a dog ready to maul anyone that got in his way. His black eyes glared at Lily through a fringe of dark hair.

"Yeah, you would come to the rescue of lover boy here, wouldn't you, Evans?" Sirius barked.

"Sev!" Lily cried, rushing to Severus' side.

"What did you to do him, Sirius?"

"Snivellus got what he deserved," Black said dangerously before shoving through the crowd and vanishing through the barrier.

Before Lily could help Severus get to his feet, Keira Finnigan grabbed her and dragged her to a secluded section of the platform.

"Lily," she said in a hushed voice, "is it true?"

"Is what true, Keira?" Lily asked although it seemed she was sure she already knew the answer.

"Is it true you made out with Snaoe?"

"Oh God," said Lily, putting her face in her hands.

"Apparently there was tongue and everything!"

"Stop, Keira."

"Sorry! I was just curious. They're saying that's why Sirius performed that memory charm on Snape."

"What? What memory charm, Keira?"

"Is it really pierced?" Keira whispered.

Lily gave her a blank look in response.

"His tongue, they say it's pierced…" Keira trailed off sheepishly upon noticing the furious look on Lily's face.

"The memory charm?" Lily reminded her.

"Well, there were all kinds of hexes exchanged at first, you see. I mean, everyone just thought, oh here we go again - another fight between Snape and Sirius. But it seemed different this time and then Sirius said something about how he'd tear you and Snape apart by making him forget he ever kissed you. Nothing he was saying was making any sense and then he wiped a whole day or week or something from Snape's memory and that's when you showed up."

Keira had said all of that very quickly without taking a breath. She seemed overly eager to hear Lily's response, but before saying a word, Lily rushed back in the direction of Severus who was now standing weakly on his feet. The older Snape watched on as his younger self was steadied and supported by Lily. A part of him wanted to laugh out loud. Sirius Black hadn't torn them apart. He'd actually done Severus a favour.

* * *

It appeared that the time setting for Lily's next memory was a few years after that last journey on the Hogwarts express. Lily and Severus had apparently made a home for themselves in Godric's Hollow. The walls were decorated with dozens of moving pictures of them smiling, their arms wrapped around each other, their eyes fixed, not on the camera, but on each other's eyes. Severus' heart skipped a beat. Seeing Lily so in love with him seemed crazy and yet it filled him up with the most wonderful sense of happiness. For the first time in all his life, Severus did not feel isolated and alone.

Before he could examine any more of the photographs, a knock sounded on the front door and a younger Severus went to answer it, an apron tied around his waist.

"Honestly, Sev, you look ridiculous in that apron," Lily laughed, before pushing him playfully back into the kitchen.

She reached the door before him and when she opened it, Molly Weasley was there to greet her.

"Molly, hey!" Lily said, hugging the woman on her doorstep before inviting her in.

"Our next order meeting's just around the corner, Molly. What brings you here now?" the younger Severus asked.

"It's bad news, isn't it?" Lily sighed.

"However did you guess?" Molly said dryly. "Believe me, Lily, I wish I came with good news, but it's never good news these days, is it?"

The younger Severus joined them. They were all seated solemnly around the dining table. Before Molly could deliver the bad news, she had to conjure a handful of tissues and dab at her bright blue eyes which were slowly flooding with tears.

"What is it?" Lily asked gently, placing a hand on Molly's shoulder. "It's okay. We can take it."

"It's James Potter and Sirius Black," Molly said, her voice becoming small and quiet, "They're dead."

Lily's hands were shaking now and the younger Severus held them tight in his to steady them.

"They were saving a group of muggle-borns from a swarm of death eaters. They were hugely outnumbered. There was nothing anyone could d-do," Molly finished shakily.

"I can't believe it," Lily said quietly. Her whole body was shaking now and Severus had to let go of her hands to wrap his arms around her. She buried her face in his chest and howled with grief. Severus rested his chin on her head, his own eyes now filling with tears – not because he was grieving the deaths of Potter and Black because it killed him to see Lily in this kind of pain.

But Molly wasn't done yet.

"It gets worse," she whispered, looking down at the table. Lily's face was still buried in Severus chest, but she had grown silent. She was still listening.

"It was really barbaric. The only thing they found after the battle was one of James Potter's fingers. That's all that was left of him – just a finger."


	10. The Boy Who Was Never Born

**The Boy Who Was Never Born**

By now, Snape had viewed thousands of Lily's memories, but it was that one memory of Molly revealing Potter's death that haunted him the most. It seemed to rule out any chance of Lily's original life coming to fruition. But most of all, it ruled out the birth of one Harry James Potter. The boy who lived, Severus realised, had never even been born.

It was only now that Severus finally saw the real consequences of his actions. Voldemort's match, the one prophecized to bring about the Dark Lord's downfall, did not exist. Not in this timeline. Severus tried to convince himself it didn't matter. The prophecy was made by Trelawney and what did she know, right? The woman was batty and a complete fraud. She'd once told him Professor Flitwick was about to be signed to the Chudley Cannons. Besides, it wouldn't take a prophecized match to bring down Lord Voldemort. It was take knowledge, courage and determination. Lily gave Severus the determination. For the most part, he had the courage. As for the necessary knowledge, well, it had to be out there somewhere. Someone had to know what it was that made Voldemort so invincible and therefore, someone had to know how Voldemort could be destroyed.

* * *

The hours that Severus had spent sifting through Lily's memories had rushed by and through a high window, he could see the first light of the day streaming in. Although he was more tired than he had ever been in all his life, Severus was not one to sleep during the day and the memories he had watched were still weighing heavily on his mind. He began to wonder if the happiness sharing his life with Lily brought him was really worth it when the rest of the world was so unhappy. That concern, along with his ignorance of modern times, made Severus nervous about facing Lily. He knew he had to get a sense of the environment in which they lived their lives and then, maybe he would feel more comfortable facing Lily.

In light of this, Severus made his way to the Great Hall which was now bustling with activity as witches, wizards and apparently muggles helped themselves to an early morning breakfast. There were countless large tables crammed together in the Hall with most of the seats being filled by some odd character or another. Although it would not have been impossible for Severus to locate an empty seat, as he was most often inclined to do, he knew that he had to find the most populated table possible and there, he would overhear conversations about current events that would prepare him for life in this world.

Severus sunk into a seat in the middle of one of the largest tables. There were people having hushed conversations on either side of him and across from him.

"Well, we've no need for money anymore, Claudius," Severus heard the squat woman across from him saying pointedly.

"No, no. I s'pose you're right, but Gringott's, really?" Claudius replied, sounding baffled.

"Yes, Claudius, Gringotts. They're living in the vaults and everything. It's madness, but they've nowhere else to go. It's overcrowded here and most of the refugee camps are this way."

"Indeed, but imagine what the goblins would think of muggle-borns and their parents seeking refuge in Gringotts. They'd be outraged!"

"Well, most of the goblins in Britain have been killed now, haven't they?"

"Yeah, Voldemort made sure of that," Claudius said shaking his head sadly as if he actually felt sorry for the goblins.

Severus sighed heavily. The whole world was in hiding it seemed. Everyone was seeking refuge in large, well-protected buildings and safe houses, just waiting for this whole situation to blow over. But what if it never did blow over? People couldn't live like this forever. Severus' thoughts were interrupted by a confrontation that had broken out between two people next to him, but these two people he recognized.

"What are you hiding from us, Horace?" Minerva asked fiercely, "Need I remind you, this is not the time for secrets."

"N-nothing, Minerva. I don't know anything about He Who Must Not Be Named that you don't know," Slughorn faltered.

"Nonsense!" Minerva hissed. "What do you know, Horace? You taught Tom Riddle and under the influence of that mead you had last night, you told Rubeus you taught Riddle something you shouldn't have."

"I, well I-"

Slughorn was interrupted by Minerva. "Out with it!" She hissed.

Slughorn couldn't look at her. He got to his feet and fled from the Great Hall as fast as he could. Severus wasn't about to let him get away. He made pursuit and although he had never been the most athletic, he was certainly faster than Horace Slughorn.

Severus grabbed the back of Slughorn's robes in an abandoned corridor near the Great Hall and pushed the man against a wall so the two were facing each other. They were so close now their noses were almost touching.

"Like she said, Slughorn, out with it!" Severus spat dangerously.

"Severus, I –" Slughorn began, but again, he was interrupted.

"Sev, what on Earth are you doing? What's gotten into you?" Sounded a surprised voice from behind him.

Severus let go of Slughorn's robes, but not intentionally. His hands were shaking too much for him to maintain such a tight grip.

"Lily," Severus almost whispered, but that was all he could say.

"I asked you a question, Severus," Lily reminded him, folding her arms across her chest.

"He knows something Lily," Severus managed.

"Knows what?"

"Something that could stop Voldemort."

At this, Lily made her way over to Slughorn whose back was still up against the wall.

"Like he said, Horace, out with it," Lily said.

Slughorn was fidgeting with his the fistful of robes Severus had crumpled.

"Look, Horace, nobody's going to hurt you over it," said Lily, shooting a glare in Severus' direction. "What's done is done, but we need to use what you know to sop Voldemort," she finished gently.

"H-He w-wanted to sp-split his soul," Slughorn said, his eyes fixed ashamedly on the marble floor.

"What?" Lily cried, rather than asked.

"He wanted to split his soul into seven pieces," Slughorn said very quickly and quietly.

"Horcruxes," Lily and Snape whispered in unison, her eyes meeting his.

Snape gripped Lily's shoulders, but before he could say it, she did: "We have to find them, Sev. We have to destroy them."


	11. Myrtle, Hermione and Tom

**Myrtle, Hermione and Tom**

Severus and Lily looked more like Hogwarts students than grown adults. They sat on the stone cold floor of the only place free from eavesdroppers – the girl's bathroom haunted by Moaning Myrtle. Legs crossed, facing one another, they spoke in quiet voices and stared intently into one another's eyes.

"Okay, here's what we know," Lily said, pulling out her wand and conjuring a quill and some parchment.

Severus smiled. This Lily was not so different from the one he had known as a Hogwarts student.

"According to Horace, there are seven Horcruxes," Lily reminded Severus. In bullet point form, she wrote this down before returning her intent gaze to Severus.

"Right," Severus chimed in, "And he then told us Dumbledore had destroyed four of them."

"Exactly. Marvolo Gaunt's ring, Helga Hufflepuff's Cup, Slytherin's locket and um," Lily said, listing the items before going blank.

"That stuttering man he was interviewing for the Defence against the Dark Arts post," Severus added.

"Do you see the link, Sev?" Lily asked.

"Link? What link? Sorry, Lil, but I can't see a link between that DA interviewee and Slytherin's locket."

"No, of course not, but Hufflepuff's cup and Slytherin's locket? Do you think he encased his soul in one item belonging to each of the four houses?"

"Maybe, but what would the objects be and where would we find them?"

"Gryffindor's object would be the sword, but that's in Dumbledore's office and he'd have destroyed it himself by now."

"And Ravenclaw?" Severus asked.

"I'm not sure, but we could ask the Grey Lady."

Severus felt his whole body and his insides momentarily turn icy as something, or someone, passed through him.

"She'll never tell," taunted the strange voice of a silvery ghost with its hair in two tight pony tails.

"Moaning Myrtle!" Lily cried.

Lily's greeting offended Myrtle and she began to sob noisily before seeking refuge in her favourite cubicle.

"I don't like it when people call me that!" Myrtle bellowed.

"She can't possibly be offended can she?" Severus asked, "She's obviously prone to moaning."

Lily elbowed Severus and gave him a disapproving look.

"Sorry," Severus mumbled to nobody in particular.

"Don't be sorry," Myrtle sighed, passing through the cubicle door and floating back towards them.

"Why would anyone feel sorry for poor old Moaning Myrtle?" She said, anger rising in her voice.

"We really are, sorry, Myrtle," Lily said softly.

"No, you're not," Myrtle replied, "Even when I died, nobody felt sorry for me. They were more concerned about catching the beast and saving other students. I was just a lesson to be learned from, a warning. Nothing more."

"Beast? What beast?" Severus asked.

"Of course!" Lily cried. "The monster from the Chamber of Secrets! Hagrid's spider. That's how you died, isn't it? I never knew how exactly, but everyone always said you died around the same time Hagrid was expelled and he told me when I was at school that his expulsion was due to silly suspicions he was the heir of Slytherin responsible for a young girl's death. You're the young girl, aren't you, Myrtle?"

Before Myrtle could say anything, Lily added another sheepish apology: "Sorry, Myrtle. Really, I am."

"There was never any spider. And it wasn't Hagrid."

"We know that really. Hagrid could never be responsible for such a thing and Dumbledore never would have given him job here if it were even the slightest bit true," Lily noted, feeling foolish for mentioning Hagrid's spider. She never actually believed the stories about him being the Heir of Slytherin.

"But if it wasn't a spider," Severus began, "What kind of beast was it that killed you exactly,"

"I don't know," Myrtle said sadly, "I heard the voice of a boy speaking some foreign language and when I left my cubicle to shoo him from the girl's bathroom, I caught sight of two big, yellow eyes staring right at me. And that was it."

"That was it?" Severus asked.

"Yes. That was it. I saw those reptilian eyes and then I died."

Before either Severus or Lily could respond or apologise anymore, a piercing scream echoed from somewhere in the castle. Immediately, Lily's hand sought refuge in Severus' own and the two of them ran from the haunted bathroom in the direction of the blood curdling screams.

"What do you think she's screaming about?" Lily asked shakily.

"I don't know, but unless it's got something to do with the Chamber of Secrets or horcruxes, I'm not sure I care. We have more important things to worry about than whatever she's carrying on about."

A few corridors down from Myrtle's bathroom, they found a young girl with bushy brown hair in a fragile state. Dozens of people were surrounding her now. Those who were patient asked her what was wrong. Those less patient told her to calm down and keep quiet.

She wasn't making any sense. She was rambling about a diary and before she could manage a single coherent sentence, she burst through the circle of people surrounding her, bumped into Lily and handed her a small, dark diary, saying, "Take it! Please. Just get it away from me."

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Lily said clutching the diary awkwardly in one hand and patting the girl reassuringly on the shoulder with her other hand.

"No, no, it's not okay," the girl sobbed, "You don't understand. I poured my heart and soul out to him and now he wants to take control of my mind too. I can't take it anymore. I'm scared of what he'll make me do."

"Who's he?" Severus asked, trying his best to mimic Lily's soft, gentle tone, but sounding gruff and uncomfortable instead.

"The diary," the girl whispered in a strained voice, looking up at Severus with tear-stained cheeks.

Although Severus and Lily both silently guessed the diary was a dark magical artefact, nothing could have prepared them for what the girl said next.

She whispered so that only they could hear her, "The boy in the diary – Tom Riddle."


	12. The Man Who Never Died

**The Man Who Never Died**

He held her hand in his as they sat very still and quiet, staring at the aged diary laid out on the desk in front of them. They were in the potion master's office, bathed in the light of candles that flickered in the cool draft of Hogwarts Castle, casting moving shadows across the room, their pale faces and the yellow pages of Tom Riddle's diary. Severus could feel goose bumps forming on the back of the neck and knew Lily shared his sentiments when she said, "This thing gives me the creeps, Sev."

"I don't even know what to write in it," Severus stated, his quill hovering uncertainly above the first page.

Frustrated, Severus sighed and as he did, the tip of his quill met the surface of that first yellow page, marking it with one blue-black dot the size of a pin prick. Almost as quickly as the dot appeared, however, it vanished as it had been swallowed whole by the diary.

"Did I imagine that?" Lily asked hesitantly.

"No, I saw it too," Severus replied.

Just to be sure they really had seen it, Severus drew another dot on the page, and again, it disappeared. He drew another and another and another, and every time, each one of his dots faded into oblivion. As if the diary sensed their uncertainty and confusion, it made its powers known. In slanted writing, three words appeared on the page above the spot where Severus' quill was hovering. The words read, "Speak to me."

Severus' grip of Lily's hand grew tighter and he closed his eyes as if he could hardly handle what he had just seen. When he reopened them, the words were gone. They too had been swallowed by the diary.

"Talk to me. Write to me. Tell me your secrets," the diary pleaded.

Lily snatched the quill from Severus and wrote the words, "We have no secrets, Tom. Do you?"

The response was immediate, terse and written all in capitals: "YES".

"Tell us," Lily wrote.

"Why tell you," the diary said, "when I can show you?"

And then they were falling. Falling through time and space and God knows what else. They were falling in such a way that their bodies were being exposed to an acceleration and g force rate almost intolerable and unsurviable. Severus felt his eyes water and his stomach churn. His grip of Lily's hand was tested by his now slippery, sweating palm.

When it all stopped, Severus and Lily found themselves somewhere very familiar, somewhere they had been only moments earlier – the girls' bathroom haunted by Moaning Myrtle, only, this was a time before Myrtle's death. The choked sobbing sounds echoing from the ghost's favourite cubicle were at this moment matched by the sight of black shoes and blue and black school robe-covered legs dangling just above the ground, visible through the gap between the bottom of the cubicle door and stone flooring. The transparent silvery school shoes and robes Lily and Severus had seen earlier were now solid and in colour. This Myrtle, they realised, was no ghost.

Before Severus could dwell on this any further, Lily tugged on his sleeve and pointed in the direction of the pristine sinks. It was then that Severus discovered someone else was there with them - a teenage boy in Slytherin robes. The boy spoke, but not to them. He spoke to the sink of all things while tracing his fingers along a strange engraving neither Severus nor Lily had noticed before. The word he uttered was not English. It was a low hissing sound Severus assumed was parstletongue.

"Boys aren't allowed in here!" Bellowed Myrtle's voice from behind the door of her cubicle.

Severus and Lily watched as she burst out of the cubicle, but before she could say anything more to the intruder, a look of sheer terror appeared on her face, her body became rigid and she fell forwards onto the cold floor. Reflected in her glasses, Lily and Severus saw those two large, yellow eyes sunken into the body of an oversized snake whose master, Tom Riddle, was stroking its rough, green scales.

That was all they saw. They were again in the potion master's office with the blank pages of Tom Riddle's diary before them. It was as if they had never seen anything at all.

"Lily, how is it that the adolescent Voldemort lives on in this diary?"

"Take a guess, Severus," Lily responded, knowing they were both aware of, and horrified, by the answer.

"A witch or wizard's soul is ripped apart by the horrendous act of taking someone else's life. When Voldemort, or rather Riddle, killed Myrtle using the snake, his soul would have been ripped apart…" Severus trailed off, pushing his chair back in an attempt to increase the distance between himself and the diary.

"Exactly. Ripped apart, but encased in the diary and therefore bound to earth and this diary forever."

"That monster we saw in the bathroom was a basilisk wasn't it?"

"Yes," Lily responded simply.

"Do you suppose Voldemort saw the irony in it all?"

"Irony?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, his first horcrux was created when he set a basilisk on Myrtle. One of the only things known to be able to destroy a horcrux –"

"Is basilisk venom," Lily finished for him.

"Precisely," Severus said before adding, "you don't know any spells that will kill a basilisk do you?"

"None," Lily replied, "Do you?"

Severus shook his head in response, but as he did, any knowledgeable response he could have had was rendered unnecessary for at that very moment, the Sword of Godric Gryffindor appeared from nowhere on the desk in front of them. It glittered in the candlelight, wordlessly answering Lily's question and solving all their problems… Well, some of their problems.

* * *

Lily held the Sword of Gryffindor stiffly at her side and tried to hide a smile as she listened to Severus' failed attempts to recreate the hissing sound uttered by Tom Riddle in the memory shown to them by the diary. For what must have been the forty-second time, Severus cleared his throat and let out a strange hissing sound. By now, Lily was shaking with laughter.

"What, like you can do any better?"

"Maybe I can," Lily teased.

She too cleared her throat and the first hissing sound that escaped her lips caused the sink before them to burst open and reveal a dark, deep tunnel and a terrifyingly long drop.

"How did you do that?" Severus asked.

"Impressed, are you, Sev?" Lily asked, a smile forming on her lips.

"It was pretty impressive for a Gryffindor, I guess," Severus responded, "Maybe you should have been sorted into Slytherin."

"No way!" Lily cried.

"Why not? What's wrong with Slytherin?" Severus asked.

"God," said Lily, rolling her eyes, "Where do I even start? Let's see, howabout our present situation?"

"What about it?"

"Well, a Slytherin would never have the guts to do this," Lily said before calmly jumping into Chamber of Secrets.

"Lil, be careful! Try to land on your feet. We don't want you to get knocked unconscious," Severus called after her before taking a deep breath, closing his eyes and following her down into the Chamber. Again, he found himself falling at an accelerated speed and although he tried to take his own advice and land on his feet, the ground shock was too much for him and upon landing, he lost his balance and fell backwards, hitting his head against the damp wall of the Chamber and, you guessed it, getting himself knocked unconscious.

Lily was about to sink to her knees and attempt to revive him, but before she could, she was distracted by the disturbing sound of hurried footsteps. Someone else was in the Chamber with them.

The footsteps echoed throughout the winding tunnels of the Chamber and as they did, Lily's heart began to beet faster and faster. Who was it? Could the sixteen year old version of Tom Riddle from the diary be alive in the Chamber? Had he heard them? Was he coming after them?

Lily looked upwards and drew out her wand, ready to conjure a broomstick and fly herself and Severus to safety, but her thoughts were interrupted by another sound echoing throughout the Chambers' tunnels – the slithering of something large and scaly.

The sound of footsteps was so close now Lily was sure they were no longer an echo. She spun around and there, facing her, was the figure of a man, hidden by a dark hood that concealed most of his face. When he spoke, his voice was familiar in a distant sort of way: "You can't be here," he said urgently.

"Who are you to tell me where I can and can't be? I can take care of myself, you know," Lily said angrily, all the while keeping her eyes out for the approaching shadow of the basilisk.

"Yeah, I know you can, Evans," the familiar voice replied.

"Who are you anyway?" Lily asked, stretching out her hand curiously and pushing back the man's hood. When the hood fell and revealed his face in the dim light streaming down from the above bathroom, Lily felt ill, confused and deceived all at once. First she looked at the man's permanently messy dark hair, then she looked at the thick circular glasses framing his eyes, then she looked at the crooked, arrogant smile that Molly Weasley had once assured her she would never see again.

"James?" Lily whispered uncertainly.


	13. Did You Miss Me, Evans?

**Did You Miss Me, Evans?**

"Did you miss me, Evans?" James asked, a hint of that old familiar smirk flashing across his features.

"I – " Lily started, but she was interrupted.

"No wait, don't answer that. Let me guess, you couldn't miss me when you had Snivellus here, right?"

"Don't call him that," said Lily, her nostrils flaring.

"For what it's worth, Lil, at least I always managed to stay conscious in situations like this," said James, shooting a mocking look of superiority in the direction of the unconscious Snape.

And with that, James grabbed the sword from Lily and went rushing in pursuit of the basilisk.

Lily began to protest, but was still struggling to wrap her head around the reappearance of an ex-boyfriend she believed to be dead. Was it really James? Why was she told he had died? What was he doing here? The Chamber wasn't open when she and Severus arrived in the girl's bathroom, so who had closed it after James entered it? How did he even find out about the Chamber of Secrets?

Taking off at a run, Lily decided she would start with the last question.

"Hey, Potter," she called after his retreating back, "How did you find out that this was the Chamber?"

"It's obvious, really," he called back, looking over his shoulder at Lily, "I asked Myrtle. It's ridiculous that nobody else ever thought to ask her. Y'know, Dumbledore, McGonagall. They're all supposed to be smart people, but none of them ever said, 'Gee, that Myrtle girl was killed by the beast from the Chamber of Secrets, and hey, wait a minute - her ghost still haunts this castle. Hmmm, maybe we should ask her!' But it occurred to me, so I asked Myrtle and she told me _just like that_," James was laughing now.

"James, stop!" Lily cried, and he did.

"We've got a snake to kill, Lily. Why are you asking me to stop?"

"Because it's going to end up catching our eyes, no matter how much we try to avoid it."

Lily conjured two blindfolds and two broomsticks. She handed James a broomstick and tied the blindfold around his head, covering his eyes. He was sure she felt him shiver a little as she did.

Concerned that she had noticed this, James tried to justify it. Speaking in a very high pitched, nervous voice, he said, "It's cold in here, isn't it?"

But when Lily's hand slipped from the blindfold and her fingers accidentally caressed his cheek, she could feel it was hot as if James was blushing.

"It doesn't matter, we'll be out of here soon," she stated, placing her own blindfold over her eyes and climbing onto her broomstick as James did the same.

After flying through the low-ceilinged tunnels of the Chamber of Secrets, James and Lily finally reached opening that seemed to be a sort of room, or some space where the ceiling was much higher. They couldn't be sure because they weren't exactly inclined to remove their blindfolds. What they could be sure of was that the basilisk was close by, right below them in fact. But the sounds of the basilisk hissing and slithering across the floor were not the only sounds that made their hearts beat faster and their palms sweat. A voice, faint and weak sounded from somewhere in the chamber.

"After them," the voice managed feebly and at once, Lily recognized it as being the voice of the adolescent Tom Riddle.

Both Lily and James swerved sideways to dodge the basilisk as it rose up towards them, its two yellow eyes rising also, like two great murderous suns hoping to burn through their eyes. Again, Lily and James found themselves swerving in the opposite direction of the hissing beast, but this time, they bumped into each other and as they did, the Sword of Godric Gryffindor fell from James' perspiring hand, clattering as it hit the cold, hard ground.

Lily wasn't worried. James was a wizard after all. All he needed to do was draw his wand and call, "Accio, sword." Lily waited for him to do so, but the only sound James made as a sort of nervous gulp before he said, "Hey, uh, Lil, you know how you saw me running in the opposite direction of the basilisk before?"

"You've lost your wand, haven't you, Potter?"

"Something like that," James mumbled sheepishly.

They swerved again.

"Accio, sword!" Lily bellowed and the Sword of Godric Gryffindor flew into her hand. She gripped it tightly and lunged forward with it, striking the basilisk, but just missing its eyes. She had missed its eyes intentionally, however, for the beast's venom was stored in the mandibular glands just below its eyes. Again, they swerved in unison and Lily waited a few seconds for the sword to absorb the venom.

Riddle clearly did not know the Sword of Gryffindor absorbed anything that made it stronger. He laughed, or at least tried to. The bushy haired girl had given him so much of herself, but not enough to make him strong and solid. He was growing weaker and fading all the time, so when he remarked on Lily's aim, his voice was barely a whisper: "You'll never locate his eyes blindfolded, lady, why don't you remove the blindfold."

It was Riddle's weak, fading state and her attribution of it to the girl and the diary that reminded Lily why she had entered the chamber of secrets in the first place. She retrieved the diary from her robes and flew closer to the beast, attempting to swat it with the small book. Finally, Lily felt the beast dig its fangs into the book and as it did, the diary seemed to shriek. Just before she let go of it, she felt something wet oozing from the book come into contact with her fingers as the liquid substance trailed down the diary's spine.

"Lily, it's eyes," James reminded her.

Lily drove the sword into one eye and then the other. With one final hiss, the beast became unsteady and collapsed dead on the ground.

The two Gryffindors removed their blindfolds to see the carnage they had created. The colossal snake was stretched across the floor, a diary with two deep holes and covered in a sort of black blood sat discarded next to it. There was no adolescent Tom Riddle anywhere in sight.

A low groan sounded somewhere within the chamber.

"Severus," Lily cried, flying in his direction and leaving behind James. His heart seemed to sink a little as he watched her go.


End file.
